Mother

I have always wondered why I always think the way I do. Too negative, too much pessimism. My view with the world is much lopsided, obscured and self-centered.

I always think of myself first, my comfort and my way. ME ME ME. Whenever I get into that ME mode, there's always this one person who comes every time and correct me. Or maybe I should say, enlighten me as always.

She always sees the lighter side of things and me of course the dark one.

I wonder how she does it all. Being a mom, a friend, a sister, and sometimes a father. At other weird times, she needs to be the enemy for good measure.

In my teenage years, I can't appreciate everything that she did for me. I was always jealous. Envious of the attention. Always thinking, always scheming. A real rebel by definition.

I always wanted to go the different way. I wanted to be different, bold and daring.

Now, in my current status, I realized how hard everything must have been for her. How I made our lives, not to mention relationship hell to cope up with. I now understand everything that she did, why it must have been that way. Maybe it wasn't the best way, but I couldn't trade it to any other anyway.

I still have much to learn from her. To be forgiving is at the top of the list, to be generous, to learn how to share, to care and really mean it. And maybe, just be a mom.

This is to tell her that I really appreciate everything that she did for me. Thank You Toni.

Interrupted Reverie

Why can't a day go by without being interrupted by insensitive people? And worst, those who assume that I would like to do something without asking me first.

Today is my birthday, and I would have liked for it to be spent in solitude since I didn't get to celebrate it like I used to. Hell, I can't celebrate it the way I used to because 1.) I am a gestational diabetic and buying or cooking any food is useless because I can't eat them to my heart's content. 2.) I don't have the cash. That's it. Plain old truth.

I am not really happy with my situation now because I always feel so hungry and the people around me always have those food that can really tempt you to death.


Now, they asked me to spend the night at the hospital which I abhor so much. I don't want this day to end hating everyone just because. But still I did.

Happy Birthday!

Hooray! This is my last year in the calendar. Why do I feel so young at this age? Too many things have happened this year, and I still have a month or so to go by to know what my fate really is for this year.

It's my birthday today and I feel that I conspire with myself since I THINK I'm the only one who remembers. Not really, my partner knows it and greeted me yesterday in advance, my uncle greeted me yesterday as well, my so-called friends didn't remember, how come I always see them when I celebrate? Hmmmm...


I kept waking up late at night looking at my cellphone, expecting that somebody might remember, but no, too silent and too empty.

It's not really a hallow point at the moment, but it would be nice to be remembered once a year. Don't you think?

Jesus At Work

Isn't Kermit a cutie?

How about that baby boy thing? My little man would be proud

Look who's here for a dip?

Can't wait to try it on to my baby, all those mittens, and booties...

To others, it may be little things, but it truly matters to me and my partner since we can't afford it at the moment. Truly THANK YOU.

Miracles happen every single day. Today, I happen to received it in great abundance that I was ecstatic with profound joy. It's my greatest birthday present ever.

Just yesterday I was worried on where to get all the funds for my child's things, and although I never asked for this, God gave it to me, and believe it or not, He gave me every single thing that I listed on that piece of paper. God truly hears the song inside your heart. He will give you what you need and not what you want.

I am grateful for these people out there to help us start our little family, aherm, extending our family.


Thank You Lord.

little things

Went to the mall today with my partner and saw different clothes and accessories for the little person to come into our life. It makes me feel elated and excited at the same time feeling a little depressed on where to get all those financial matter to deal with the current concern.

But then again, deep inside I feel that it's going to be alright.

God will provide.

Up and about

Almost 2:30 am here and I'm still up. I'm too lazy to continue doing my cross-stitch and I'm too sick of looking at Farmville. And to add something to my misery, I'm getting hungry by the minute and my baby is kicking me.

Kids and the Ocean (Too Funny not to share)

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots
and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to
make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off
eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and
I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers.
(Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired
right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

If you didn't chuckle at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humour.

Baby Shower

With my baby growing fast in my tummy, my partner and I have been thinking about things to buy for the baby. All kinds of complications arise and my budget was cut tight, leaving us with a small margin to breath. How expensive it is indeed to have a baby! And I don't live in America.  My mom suggested to make it fun and somehow let us save some money, have a baby shower. Great idea! Only that I live in a geographical area where I don't have friends, and the people I encounter and my boyfriends family, who, in return doesn't indulge those kind of activity because as they say "it's for the rich". How come? Down South from where I'm from, my friends and acquaintances do it all the time, rich or poor. It's not for the rich, it's for everyone who is there to celebrate the coming of a new life.


I began to regret the reason that I'm here in the first place. Not because of the failed baby shower plan, but because I began to miss a lot of people and a lot of things with those people. Those who are willing to be with us through thick and thin, care with us and prepare with us. Here, I am just another visitor due for labor in a few months time.

The only good thing about being here? I have a baby to welcome to this world alone. I guess we can do the baby shower together huh?