2011: What has been

Few days short before 2012, I took the time to look back of what has happened in my life in the year 2011. I can say it was quite a handful and not all of them pleasant.

For the year 2011;

- I almost died in C-Section,
- I delivered my son in this world on February.
- I experienced the postpartum depression, and boy it was depressing...IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!
- Being a first time mom, I got a little overwhelmed, overprotective, manic, tensed every time my baby cries, wakes and whatever. That resulted to my fake SIL's tantrum and whatnots. Delivering a deadly blow to my ego, crushing my person with her fake stories, did a text brigade to every single relative she has just to destroy me...
- We moved in a boarding room, my partner and I with our son
- Sunk down low into a really bad depression episode
- Started working in oDesk with a friend
- Missed a working opportunity in oDesk with a friend
- I realized that I am just a talentless person in this world who thinks that she is special
- My turn to wait has turned to wait, yet again...
- I lost friends, so-called friends, best friends this year all to undefined reasons
- I figured I can never really write anything good. In short I suck at it
- I started my micro business, until now it still is MICRO
- I realized that I have a good hand in keeping money stable, if I really focused on it (wink)
- I realized that I neglected myself too much; that I allowed other people to step on me and take me for granted
- I see myself alone (without a partner is what I'm saying) in the future, with my son perhaps, but not with someone intimate, I think that's not for me. 

The list could go on, maybe I'll add something from time to time if I remember them, but I'll make one thing for sure, everything will change when 2012 comes.

The Christmas Wish List

If I were younger, my list would have consisted of something different, something worldly and selfish. It is true what they say, when you age, your priorities change and so are your wants. I don't know where mine lies, if they're totally selfish or not, I just know that they are not the same ones I coveted years ago.

Here goes my wish list for Christmas;

1. Companionship. The last time I remember, I wanted people to leave me alone, I wanted to be happy alone. I wanted to do all fun things, alone. And guess what? They did left me alone. Now, I thirst for the company a large group of warm people could bring in my circle. I have my partner and my son, but it's just not enough.There is more that I crave that just being with people. I want the connection. The sense of belonging.

2. Communication. I entertain myself, mostly. Sure, I have a son, but he can't talk to me just yet in a level that he can understand. I need someone to connect myself to. To talk about anything and everything. I get a lot of small talks but no substance. There is so much that I need to tell, so many things that I need to share and many more that I need to learn but I have no one, and that is just sad.

3. Family. I am not talking about my own direct family. I have a son and a partner, yes. I am talking about everything extended apart from them. It would be wonderful knowing you are a part of a whole. I thought I already had that, only to have my bubbles burst. I realized that I was never part of that whole thing I was talking about, I am just a crumb that can be dusted off at the table anytime, all the time. My son, he is family to them, blood relations and such, me? Nada. I want to be near my real family. Something to remind me that I belong somewhere.

4. Friendship. I am tired of being holed up in the four corners of our room. Literally. My son probably feels the same. I want him to connect to other people. To be sociable. To be with his cousins and learn to make friends and not be in constant contact with inanimate objects.

I guess I could write down a hefty list, but what's on here is what's inside my heavy heart. It may be that it's too much to ask, but hey, I've read somewhere that what you put out into the universe will come back right at you, or something to that effect. Who knows, somebody might be listening and I might just get what I want this Christmas.

A kiss from a stranger

I was at the NBI in Central Luzon the other day. While waiting for my number to be called, I sat beside a petite woman who was very friendly. She's giving off a light vibe that would make you at ease immediately. Even I, who is a suspicious person was immediately felt a liking towards her.

We talked about common topics, starting with the common ground, the NBI documents, and before we knew it, she started talking about her family, and surprisingly, I even opened up about myself and my experiences. We shared good laughs. It feels like I have known her for a long time rather than a few hours.

When our numbers were called, we changed seats making us sit with different people, but still she turn towards me to ask if I was okay, then she proceeded with her usual self, talked to the lady seated beside her, and the lady responds to her the same way I did earlier!

I envied her friendliness and familiarity with people. It is one thing that I don't have with myself. To be that trusting and open. To be friendly and open to small talk or any talk for that matter.

When we were done with everything, I even waited on her after she got her clearance. She asked me if I wanted her to wait with me, I was waiting for my son's grandparents to arrive. I just told her that it's ok and said that she can go.

She said her goodbyes after we exchanged phone numbers, and then she kissed me goodbye, like I was an old friend.

Merry Christmas no more?

Photo Credits here

I am saddened to read every where in FB that they have to censor themselves in greeting people MERRY CHRISTMAS for fear of offending somebody. I cannot imagine not being able to greet anyone MERRY CHRISTMAS! in high spirits. Friends or not, all people alike, you greet, you smile, they greet and smile back at you.

Even the non-Christians who doesn't celebrate Christmas doesn't make it an issue and still wishes you a MERRY CHRISTMAS in same merry spirits people are in.

I wonder if one day I would get fined, or jailed for just saying so. That would be the day. One thing for sure though, I won't change that. I can respect other religion and beliefs, I don't ask them to change theirs because I might be offended. They can celebrate their own beliefs and I can enjoy with them, for most of them that I know, they celebrate with mine without problems. I wish that we can go back into that time when there are no complications. If there is one thing during the holidays, it is to be merry, to share, to unite.

What is offensive about saying CHRIST? None. I can deal with the hypocrites. They asked us not to wish them a MERRY CHRISTMAS because of Christ, were we asked what we think about doing such a thing? Because taking out Christ in Christmas is offensive to us Christians. Too much for me, and I am not a religious person.



MERRY CHRISTMAS anyway.

tickle your taste buds - lechon de leche

Photo credits here

I have been craving for lechon (roasted pig, in this case I am craving for lechon de leche or roasted suckling pig)  ever since I came here in Angeles City, Pampanga. They have their own variety of roasted pigs but what I miss is how we Kagay-anons (native of Cagayan de Oro) cook our roasted pigs.

The dressed pig is stuffed with lemon grass (tanglad!) and other spices, which makes it smell yummy. The aroma of the lemon grass is heavenly, sadly that is one ingredient not commonly used where I'm at.

I miss the festive mood it sets when we have a roasted pig on our dining table. It is the highlight of the dining ambiance. You can see the anticipation of the people waiting in line to get their hands on the crispy skin of the roasted pig. The crack of the ribs and the taste of the lechon's tummy. If the occasion permit it, we eat with our hands, dip the meat in a spiced vinegar. Yum!

I'm hungry already. I want one for my son's birthday.

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loss

How do you grieve? Today, the help left, she has become a close friend of mine. I thought I have shielded myself from her tales of the day annoyances. Ranging from her never-ending rants and complaints of how tired she was or her children's troubles.

But when she left today, she waited for me before going away. Then she said her goodbyes. When I was inside my room, I cried and cried. I don't understand why. I felt like my heart would explode. I will miss her. I will miss her daily noise at the dorm. Her rants. Her complaints. Her.

She is one friend who listens. Even if some of her tales annoy me, they amuse me as well. I tell you, she isn't rich. She lives for the day. I help whenever I can.

When she left, I asked myself; what did I learn from her? What have she learned from me? I don't know the answer to the latter, but I know what I learned from her:

There is goodness in each and every person, no matter what their social standing is.
To never ever ever rant about your boss to the neighborhood because you don't know which ones are your friends and which ones will tell on you (hence, get you fired),
Value your friends.
Respect for everything.
Never step on people because you never know when your time is up and when you are going down.
Love your family. Unconditionally.

I'm sure, there's a lot more I have learned once I can think rationally. Right now I am nursing my heartache. I know I will get over this, but for the time being, just let me savor the pain.

Locked up

I have been wanting to write something these past few days, but sadly I cannot come up with anything. There are far too many things that has been going on inside my head, discussions, arguments, but I cannot write them.

I felt that there is that need to say it, to type it down, but it feels like if I do so, I am committing a crime against secrecy. The need to keep things inside, bottled up has been practiced far too long that telling what is inside my heart feels like betrayal.

I think I am suffering from an emotional block. It is rather difficult to embrace the change I want to impose upon myself. To open up and express. Seldom, when I do that verbally, I end up saying something different than what's inside my heart. I find it difficult to write them down because later on I would think of what to write nicely instead of just writing and let it flow naturally. I'm easily bothered by a lot of things, like, people to impress because they might say something otherwise about what I write.

I often berate myself over something that shouldn't even be bothered to make a fuss about. I think that's the problem. I am too focused on what others will say that I get lost in track and slowly, I crawl back to my shell and shield myself from what can hurt me.

I want to be able to deal with myself honestly, because when I am passionately angry, I have no difficulty expressing myself, and I want that in my writing. To be truly honest about what I feel. To tell the story inside my heart. To rid myself of all these negative things that destroys the epicenter of my being.

By starting this now, I think I am one step ahead.

raising kids

Seeing this picture made me look upon myself. The texts in this image are nice and wonderful, but instilling these kinds of values in children is challenging. I applaud the mother's who raised fine children of this stature. When we meet this kind of woman today, we view it as a rare display of values, integrity, self-confidence; a healthy self-image.
A year ago, I was single person (no attachments whatsoever!), committed to a relationship and loving it. I didn't entertain the idea of having kids, thus being protected. For some reason, the One who keeps the ball rolling have other ideas in mind and I got pregnant. 9 months after, now I am caring and raising a son. It is my turn to take up the challenge in raising him to be that kind of man that treats women with all these noble values. I hope I am up for it.

Tat-Tell-Tale - More Tales To Tell

loyalty

I saw this picture today in FB, after looking at it for a few seconds too long, I was teary-eyed. Even if I already moved on and looked at other pictures, the image never left my head. It is heart-breaking for me to see the frail-old man with the loyal dog in his bedside.

If people can't be moved by that, I would wonder what's really wrong with humanity.


Tat-Tell-Tale - More Tales to Tell

Pet Peeves

Inspired by Rexxa's article, I thought about my own pet peeves, realizing that I have tons in my head and there's just too many that annoys me. I think I am a control freak.

Here goes.

- People who chew their food too loud.
- Farting without excusing themselves.
- People who talks too loud as if the one they're talking to is at the other side of the mountain. *sigh
- People who thinks they know it all.
- People who moves too slow (not including the old people ok?)
- People who procrastinates when they can do everything today.
- Chronic Whiner
- People who nags
- People who picks their nose in front of you(duh!!!!)
- Doesn't say thank you or please and have a great sense of entitlement (puhleasseeeee)
- Too many flowery words when they speak. Why not try this; Get to the point? Anyone?
- Backstabbers
- Txt wrtng! And still have the nerve to ask you why is it difficult to spell...

Select those you hang-out with

We all have our place in this world, sometimes we cannot make it alone, we need somebody there to inspire us, to teach us, to push us. Choose wisely on who we become acquainted with and be wise enough to know who to follow and not to listen to.

Tat-Tell-Tale -more tales to tell

Thanksgiving month #5 - Wisdom learned from experience

November is a thanksgiving month, and although it is never celebrated from where I am from, I am going to take part in it my own way. I will come up with 30 things to be thankful for the whole month, that would be one thing to be thankful for each day.
To start of:
#1: I am thankful for my son Sam, for making my world become alive and making me love like a child all over again.
#2: Nobody can replace FAMILY. For that, I am thankful that I have a supportive, loving and the craziest family ever!
#3. For the furry friends who give unconditional love, they make the world a whole lot better to live in.
#4. Sense of humor. Just being able to laugh off a sarcastic remark is a gift in itself. Thank you for that.
#5. Wisdom. By just knowing all the difference on when to say things, what to say to them, who to tell it to is a wisdom learned through experience.

Tat-Tell-Tale - more tales to tell

Thanksgiving month

November is a thanksgiving month, and although it is never celebrated from where I am from, I am going to take part in it my own way. I will come up with 30 things to be thankful for the whole month, that would be one thing to be thankful for each day.
To start of:
#1: I am thankful for my son Sam, for making my world become alive and making me love like a child all over again.
#2: Nobody can replace FAMILY. For that, I am thankful that I have a supportive, loving and the craziest family ever!
#3. For the furry friends who give unconditional love, they make the world a whole lot better to live in.
#4. Sense of humor. Just being able to laugh off a sarcastic remark is a gift in itself. Thank you for that.

Tat-Tell-Tale - more tales to tell

Thanksgiving month

November is a thanksgiving month, and although it is never celebrated from where I am from, I am going to take part in it my own way. I will come up with 30 things to be thankful for the whole month, that would be one thing to be thankful for each day.
To start of:
#1: I am thankful for my son Sam, for making my world become alive and making me love like a child all over again.
#2: Nobody can replace FAMILY. For that, I am thankful that I have a supportive, loving and the craziest family ever!
#3: For the furry friends who give unconditional love, they make the world a whole lot better to live in.

Tat-Tell-Tale - more tales to tell

Thanksgiving month

http://www.coloring-pictures.net/

November is a thanksgiving month, and although it is never celebrated from where I am from, I am going to take part in it my own way. I will come up with 30 things to be thankful for the whole month, that would be one thing to be thankful for each day.
To start of:
#1: I am thankful for my son Sam, for making my world become alive and making me love like a child all over again.
#2: Nobody can replace FAMILY. For that, I am thankful that I have a supportive, loving and the craziest family ever!

Tat-Tell-Tale - More tales to tell

Thanksgiving month

photo credit: mayasgrove.blogspot.com

November is a thanksgiving month, and although it is never celebrated from where I am from, I am going to take part in it my own way. I will come up with 30 things to be thankful for the whole month, that would be one thing to be thankful for each day.

To start of:

#1: I am thankful for my son Sam, for making my world become alive and making me love like a child all over again.


Tat-Tell-Tale -More Tales to Tell

find the mistake

Find the mistake but don't post it. Share if you like it.

Tat-Tell-Tale - more tales to tell

Getting around

You know you have been online for so long that you can't remember since when you started sitting there. Reality bites. Get down there, mom and dad misses you!
Does this sound like it's in your own household?

Tat-Tell-Tale - more tales to tell

cat humor #2

cat humor #1
no pun intended
Tat-Tell-Tale - more tales to tell

Are you satisfied lately?

Photo Credits: Not mine!

It's been a long time since I had that kind of satisfaction. Hopefully, it will come by.

More funny caption? You might also like:

Cat humor #1
No Pun Intended

Cat humor #1

Photo Credit: not mine!

Cutest evil cat I've ever seen

money saving

EASY MONEY SAVING TIPS FOR NON-WORKING MOMS

Living in a household where only one person brings home the bacon is hard. Especially if the income is you are trying to budget is just right enough for what you basically need. This is where money saving ideas start to kick in.

In order for me to save money from my partners take-home pay. I have to scrimp and save, and if the need arises, bend the money double if possible. Budgeting is tricky if you have a baby to feed.

I have tried searching any money saving tips and advice online, or in magazines. There are many materials on money saving and the web offers wide resources of saving money tips but what I am going to share here are the tried and tested methods that works well.

Easy Money Saving Tips

1. Create a "THINGS TO BUY" list - I know it sounds overrated and such but this is an effective way of staying on the budget when you are out there picking your groceries.

Way back when I didn't create any grocery list, I was always overboard with our expenses. My partner loves choosing his own goodies and that can get way out of hand if you don't assign a particular budget for snacks. It saved me a few hundred bucks (that's from our money currency) just by doing the grocery list every month. That way I keep track of the things I need to buy and how much my partner needs to spend for his goodies.

2. Set aside a small percentage for savings - You can set aside any amount that works for you. For us, I save about five percent (5%) from the total amount of my partner's take home pay. How much is left will be budgeted for the things we need for the next two weeks. Money saving for me has never been easier.

3. Anticipate the medical expenses - Living in a country where not everyone is insured, (Luckily my son is under his father's medicare) I save small amounts of cash for medical expenses. This is for emergency purposes. Having cash for laboratory clinics, over the counter medicines.

4. Indulge yourself - Come on, we all have our spur of the moment, "OMG, I want to watch that movie!" or "I want to buy that book". In a tight budget, it doesn't hurt to put away small amounts of cash. When moments like this arise, you can indulge yourself without feeling guilty.

5. Look for bargains -  I am an avid book reader, and I read them as fast as I bought them. But buying books is expensive. What I do is to wait for it to be available in bargain shops and bookstores and buy them in a cheap price. It doesn't matter if it's not new, paperback or hardbound, they can be available in mint condition. If you are lucky, you can even get them in their new look.

This is also applicable for clothing and other items. When I pick my clothes, I go for quality buys that would last for a few years, pretty generic brands. I don't care much about the labels, people will see how you wear them and not look at the label at the back.

6. Save your pocket change - If you can afford this 'luxury', take the time to put away all your coins accumulated from your grocery. Put them in a jar or any container of your choice. I did this for a year, saving away all the coins and before Christmas, I already saved enough for us to go book ourselves into a vacation spot in our locality.

That might sound exaggerated but you won't believe how this money saving technique can help you save enough cash by the end of the year. If you can wait that much.

7. Control your impulse - Sure, we do have that at times. We get to see this items that are cute or nice but we don't actually need and we end up buying them only to realize we don't really need them. If you see something that urges you to buy. Go around the store or get out. If you still want to buy it after a few hours then go ahead.

The list could go on and on here. We all have ideas and experience in money saving tips, but to put that into practice requires solid iron discipline.

You can save and scrimp and practice any tips or follow techniques that suits you well. All I can say is that, this worked for me, it can work for you too.

no PUN intended

just got to share!

What are you grateful for?

Photo Credit: not mine!

Let me count the ways...

I am grateful ...

...that I am alive today and well

...for my son who is healthy

...for being blessed with a wonderful, loving partner

...for being able to appreciate my son more as we bond

...for the people who comes in our lives when we need them 

...for the wonderful family that surrounds us

...for the joys we experienced daily

...for the roof over our heads

...for the friends we meet 

...for being able to survive whatever task was handed out by our Maker for the day

...for being able to stand-up to what is right and remain grounded

...for being able to lead by example a just life

the list could go on and on. But what I really want to say is, THANK YOU for all these opportunities that I have to experience every day. I don't need all the material things in order for me to be grateful about my life. A loving partner, a healthy baby, a happy family, what is more to ask? The money? They're just that. Money. That's just the icing on the cake. 

How about you? What are you grateful for today?

when you feel lost

Photo Credit goes to whoever created this (Thanks!)

I found this quote in Facebook the other day, and surprisingly I found this to be enlightening. It made me stop what I was doing and thought about what it really meant.

Most of my life I have sort of felt lost. I can't find a purpose in my life. Even after every beating from life itself, I just couldn't figure it out. Yet, there it was, the answer was staring at me in the face.

How could I feel so lost when I have never moved away to begin with? Why was I looking for myself? The life I have lived makes me ME.

A tough life I could say, but this kind of life molded me into a strong person inside out. Sure, I have my moments of weaknesses and doubts but hey, I still emerged victorious from whatever battle life has thrown my way. I wouldn't have my life any other way. If I would live again, I would still choose ME, no skipping, no cheating, I would walk the path I walked (hopefully that time I would choose a WISER one!)

I know it's hard, but I have to move on to another chapter. I feel that I am ready to grow more, to be molded again, to learn. Until I become what the Maker wants of me, I will never quit.

random thoughts

I've been thinking about a lot of confusing thoughts since they run around my head at the same time. I need to write them one by one, maybe that way I'll get rid of them creating traffic inside my head. Who knows, if piece by piece they are all blogged down, it will clear my head and maybe, just maybe I can focus again.

One thought at a time; and funny how things work out when you need a sign for things to work with you, I stumbled into this, it says:

... and you know what? I agree that Mr. Never Give Up is right. For a while now, I am under a dark weather, but I've been through worst storms than this and I came out all right. So, this is just another stumbling block that I need to figure out how to get out of.

Early morning food craving

Brrr..cold inside my room,  stomach growling, I'm craving for a hot noodle soup that would in fact satiate my hunger right now. I want Mr. Ramyun's noodles. I'm too tired to walk there today, maybe I'll just dream about it and get to eat it later....

                                 Photo Courtesy of Lovethatkimchi.com


just add the kimchi, ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! God, I'm so hungry.

Bitchiness and Honesty

                               Photo Courtesy of somebody else (honestly people, I just copied it in FB)

Now, I don't know how many times my love for sarcasm and all out bitchiness got me in trouble. I can tell you, I've lost count.

The most recent incident that I've been too candid, it got me into serious trouble. By serious, I meant it turned my life upside down.

Some people just couldn't accept the fact that you can say anything straight upfront. Once bitched slapped, they are going to take it out on you. Declare an all out war without thinking of the consequence it's going to cost you, or your kid for that matter (for me, the stakes were high against my kid), and what's painful about that? She's family to my kid and partner.

For all that bitchiness in me, it had gone out and took a turn when it happened. I don't know how or what I did that I decided to make my mouth shut. No smartass retort, no witty comebacks, not a grunt. But I cried, tears were wasted I tell you.

What came to mind was this:












It seemed a smart move, but the thing that suffered the worst blow? My ego. It wasn't just bruised. It was shattered. I don't know if this kind of thing is just temporary, I can't say I'm just temporarily pissed. For now, I can't forgive her.

For the kind of person that I am, it is hard or should I say ridiculous to hold back my tongue and not lash out my anger for the kind of attack I was given. But I held up my end. It wasn't for me, it was for my son, partner and his family. You know the saying, "If you can't say something nice..."..Yeah, if I allowed my anger to get the best of me, the family that I am talking about will no longer be living in peace.

Seriously, some people should learn that it is better for someone to be honest and be a bitch about it rather than all sweet and hypocrite upfront but stabs you in the back.

Me? I don't mind if you don't like me and show it. I appreciate honesty. And if you can stand up to me? That's great! I will respect you more that way.

Lessons I Learned from my Mother

1. If you can do it today, why delay it 'till tomorrow?  Life is too short to be wasted. Tomorrow is another day to explore. Life has a way of accumulating tasks and  things to do, so to make it easier to bear, do what you can in a day, after all, we don't know what tomorrow entails.

2. Always look for the positive side in every aspect of the situation. I have always been a pessimist to the bone (maybe, you can include my marrow just to be sure). Inquisitive and at times whiner, I always have something to say because I find it crucial to always voice out my opinion, mostly negative ones.

Her? She always have something good to say about everything. She sheds light to my darkened vision of things. She opens my eyes of the facts of life, of why things happen when they happen. There's a reason for everything. And you know what? I believe her.

3. There are three ways to know a persons' personality: When they're angry, when they're drunk, and when they don't have money. With these things, she said, the real person comes out. Their true color shows. I have seen quite a few of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde myself, and I didn't like what I saw under those circumstances.

4. Be a friend to everyone. For the good it does to me, I find that hard to follow. How can I be a friend when the person itself is a pest? Life is easier to live with when you are an enemy to no one. That's what she told me, and she does it graciously! In my younger days, I have seen her wave her hands to people in every direction like a politician running for election. She has friends in every walks of life and almost everyone comes to her for advice.

5. Never burn bridges. It's old, and it's common, but she's never wrong when she told me that. You'll never know when you are going to cross it again.

6. Always be thankful for everything. Be it the good and the bad things that come into your life. These things will mold your character. The outcome depends on how you receive these challenges in your life.

7. Be kind. Even when you wake up at the wrong side of the bed, instead of going out and be a bitch, be kind anyway. Always have that kind heart that is willing to help. She says, there are times that she's angry with somebody because they are rude to her, she tells herself that she's going to be kind anyway, maybe they're just having a bad day, and an extra mile on her part might help.

8. Don't dwell in the past. She's right. You can never bring it back to correct it, but you can always move forward and make new things. Make good memories. I live my world backwards, and moving forward is hard without me dragging along my excess baggage, but somehow I slowly dropped those baggage one by one, making my burdens easier to carry along the way.

9. Help. I always question her about this one. Why help even if the person doesn't deserve to be helped at? She says that, why deny something when you can give it freely? Help, so can never regret later on when everything fails. You can always say that you did your part. Help, with a light heart. I would think that my mom would be close to sainthood on this one.

10. Have the zest for life. After all, we have only but one life to live. Why waste it for sorrow and whatnot's? Day after day, even when we are dead tired from walking or whatever we did that day. She always have time to laugh, and mind you, it's a hearty one. I can still hear that laugh of hers ringing in my ears and never fails to draw a smile on my lips.


The list could go on, but I took the liberty of putting into words those that count the most. Letting the world know about those things that I learned, to make it timeless. That nothing is forgotten.

Happy Mother's Day GG!