Days away to Christmas

Most people are excited, but I'm not. What gives away is that I worry too much about everything that even my health fails me. I don't care about not receiving gifts. I don't need much nowadays. I just want to be healthy and deliver my baby healthy.

Last night, I had a pinkish discharge and it bothers the hell out of me. I didn't feel anything. But since I started stressing about it, I feel like I'm having dysmenorrhea. My doctor is not around to assist me. I'm going crazy and it's not helping.

Too many things that annoy me. I just want to get through all this as normally as I should for my baby's sake.

Please God heal me out here.

Mother

I have always wondered why I always think the way I do. Too negative, too much pessimism. My view with the world is much lopsided, obscured and self-centered.

I always think of myself first, my comfort and my way. ME ME ME. Whenever I get into that ME mode, there's always this one person who comes every time and correct me. Or maybe I should say, enlighten me as always.

She always sees the lighter side of things and me of course the dark one.

I wonder how she does it all. Being a mom, a friend, a sister, and sometimes a father. At other weird times, she needs to be the enemy for good measure.

In my teenage years, I can't appreciate everything that she did for me. I was always jealous. Envious of the attention. Always thinking, always scheming. A real rebel by definition.

I always wanted to go the different way. I wanted to be different, bold and daring.

Now, in my current status, I realized how hard everything must have been for her. How I made our lives, not to mention relationship hell to cope up with. I now understand everything that she did, why it must have been that way. Maybe it wasn't the best way, but I couldn't trade it to any other anyway.

I still have much to learn from her. To be forgiving is at the top of the list, to be generous, to learn how to share, to care and really mean it. And maybe, just be a mom.

This is to tell her that I really appreciate everything that she did for me. Thank You Toni.

Interrupted Reverie

Why can't a day go by without being interrupted by insensitive people? And worst, those who assume that I would like to do something without asking me first.

Today is my birthday, and I would have liked for it to be spent in solitude since I didn't get to celebrate it like I used to. Hell, I can't celebrate it the way I used to because 1.) I am a gestational diabetic and buying or cooking any food is useless because I can't eat them to my heart's content. 2.) I don't have the cash. That's it. Plain old truth.

I am not really happy with my situation now because I always feel so hungry and the people around me always have those food that can really tempt you to death.


Now, they asked me to spend the night at the hospital which I abhor so much. I don't want this day to end hating everyone just because. But still I did.

Happy Birthday!

Hooray! This is my last year in the calendar. Why do I feel so young at this age? Too many things have happened this year, and I still have a month or so to go by to know what my fate really is for this year.

It's my birthday today and I feel that I conspire with myself since I THINK I'm the only one who remembers. Not really, my partner knows it and greeted me yesterday in advance, my uncle greeted me yesterday as well, my so-called friends didn't remember, how come I always see them when I celebrate? Hmmmm...


I kept waking up late at night looking at my cellphone, expecting that somebody might remember, but no, too silent and too empty.

It's not really a hallow point at the moment, but it would be nice to be remembered once a year. Don't you think?

Jesus At Work

Isn't Kermit a cutie?

How about that baby boy thing? My little man would be proud

Look who's here for a dip?

Can't wait to try it on to my baby, all those mittens, and booties...

To others, it may be little things, but it truly matters to me and my partner since we can't afford it at the moment. Truly THANK YOU.

Miracles happen every single day. Today, I happen to received it in great abundance that I was ecstatic with profound joy. It's my greatest birthday present ever.

Just yesterday I was worried on where to get all the funds for my child's things, and although I never asked for this, God gave it to me, and believe it or not, He gave me every single thing that I listed on that piece of paper. God truly hears the song inside your heart. He will give you what you need and not what you want.

I am grateful for these people out there to help us start our little family, aherm, extending our family.


Thank You Lord.

little things

Went to the mall today with my partner and saw different clothes and accessories for the little person to come into our life. It makes me feel elated and excited at the same time feeling a little depressed on where to get all those financial matter to deal with the current concern.

But then again, deep inside I feel that it's going to be alright.

God will provide.

Up and about

Almost 2:30 am here and I'm still up. I'm too lazy to continue doing my cross-stitch and I'm too sick of looking at Farmville. And to add something to my misery, I'm getting hungry by the minute and my baby is kicking me.