The Christmas Wish List

If I were younger, my list would have consisted of something different, something worldly and selfish. It is true what they say, when you age, your priorities change and so are your wants. I don't know where mine lies, if they're totally selfish or not, I just know that they are not the same ones I coveted years ago.

Here goes my wish list for Christmas;

1. Companionship. The last time I remember, I wanted people to leave me alone, I wanted to be happy alone. I wanted to do all fun things, alone. And guess what? They did left me alone. Now, I thirst for the company a large group of warm people could bring in my circle. I have my partner and my son, but it's just not enough.There is more that I crave that just being with people. I want the connection. The sense of belonging.

2. Communication. I entertain myself, mostly. Sure, I have a son, but he can't talk to me just yet in a level that he can understand. I need someone to connect myself to. To talk about anything and everything. I get a lot of small talks but no substance. There is so much that I need to tell, so many things that I need to share and many more that I need to learn but I have no one, and that is just sad.

3. Family. I am not talking about my own direct family. I have a son and a partner, yes. I am talking about everything extended apart from them. It would be wonderful knowing you are a part of a whole. I thought I already had that, only to have my bubbles burst. I realized that I was never part of that whole thing I was talking about, I am just a crumb that can be dusted off at the table anytime, all the time. My son, he is family to them, blood relations and such, me? Nada. I want to be near my real family. Something to remind me that I belong somewhere.

4. Friendship. I am tired of being holed up in the four corners of our room. Literally. My son probably feels the same. I want him to connect to other people. To be sociable. To be with his cousins and learn to make friends and not be in constant contact with inanimate objects.

I guess I could write down a hefty list, but what's on here is what's inside my heavy heart. It may be that it's too much to ask, but hey, I've read somewhere that what you put out into the universe will come back right at you, or something to that effect. Who knows, somebody might be listening and I might just get what I want this Christmas.