Wednesday, July 21, 2004

The Paranoia of Being in Love

Many of you, who might get the chance to read this, will be thinking that I could have written so many articles about so many issues; yet I have chosen this one.

As one of the millions of young adults in the world, I, for one, have always been a fan for love. I love to love and to experience love no matter what the cost and the consequences. People sometimes, almost always, fear to be in a state of the “Strong Emotion” that comes between the two sexes. Well in fact, I don’t.

What is love? There can be so many definitions of love, really. On my own, I can easily define it as a deep and tender feeling or affection towards someone, and they could be just anyone. What amuses me so much about this is how we easily, (when in love with the opposite sex), devote ourselves to that certain special person. This can’t be new to you, right?

I find, in most cases of young adults that are strongly and intimately connected to someone, that they tend to be so overly possessive and jealous over their “Significant Romantic Others” or, in short, their partners. Why is this? What seems to be causing this? Why is there such a fuss about their mates when they are so much “in love” with each other? Isn’t there supposed to be much stronger and deeper bonds that connect both? When there is trust and honesty, things like this will be less likely to happen. Hey, don’t look at me; I’m only human. I am not writing any of this as if I have never experienced this kind of emotion at all; I am writing this because I, myself, am in state of “Paranoia” with my S.R.O. It is not because I don’t trust him; or do I? In fact, I do. It is only that I have been through a lot of hell and back, and the fuss that I am making is due to the fact that I am so damn afraid of losing him.

What I find funny in this relationship that I am in is: I have never experienced anything like this at all. I have never been this happy, nor have I been loved this much in my life; not even with my past ex’s, who in fact have been a@!*&%s in my life. They did not only cause me so much pain and trouble, but, in the end, destroyed everything I had made for myself. If I have to name a few: self-esteem and confidence. Gosh, given the chance to jot it all down, I would ran out of space here. Anyway, as I was saying, what makes me paranoid about it is that I really don’t know. The only existing reason I have for now is I am so, so, so, much in for this relationship, and the fact or thought of losing the guy would kill me, I can say.

Many of you out there will disagree and some of you will agree with me. How many will, I have no idea. Try to think of it; if your guy is out there somewhere, halfway around the globe and the only link you have is the internet and your cell phone: you will try everything to talk with him, send him sweet tiny notes and lovely messages. And if hugging or a touch of his hand is impossible, you’ll be paranoid right? The only thing that holds you together is the love you have and holding on to every word and promises you could make to each other. It’s not impossible, though, to make it last. The problem is: for how long you will be able to make it last. Now that scares me. I do not doubt anything, nor am I trying to push my luck so hard. But what can I do, if this stupid heart would feel the same awkward feeling and would keep on fearing that something will happen in this “gifted relationship”?

Paranoia starts when everything within you falls apart: when you cloud your mind with the unbelievable, disgusting doubts you can make. But I’m glad to have met this guy, I owe him a lot, though. I cannot speak for everything in my future, but he keeps on reassuring me that everything will turn out alright. We cannot be certain about that, but who knows?

Loving doesn’t have to be an enduring process, it is for the good of one’s self and many can reap its benefits. Though loving requires time and effort to make it last, there are so many good things you can find and learn while at it. Hey, you can get to know a person, earn yourself a “human blanket”, have a best friend, and - guess what - a brother.

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